The Journey of a Once Celibate Christian Lesbian (Side B) to an Affirming and Married Christian Lesbian (Side A) (with Sally Gary)

💡 Speaker bio

Sally grew up in Wichita Falls, Texas, in a devout Christian family. She was raised in a Church of Christ congregation and was taught from a young age that her church community was like family to her. However, there were also difficulties in her home due to her father's past and his struggles with anger. Despite these challenges, Sally's mother emphasized the importance of prioritizing God in their lives.

As Sally grew older, she realized that she was different but could not identify why. It wasn't until her junior year of college that she discovered she was attracted to women. However, during that time, there was no acceptance or conversation about homosexuality, especially within Christian circles. Sally kept her feelings to herself for 15 years, even as she pursued her career in law and coaching.

Eventually, Sally reached a breaking point and felt compelled to share her secret. She wrote a letter pouring out her heart to God and sought counseling. The counselor received her with kindness and understanding, offering her a safe space to talk. This experience helped Sally understand that God could handle her confusion and emotions.

After sharing her secret with the counselor, Sally gained the courage to come out to her parents, who joined her in seeking therapy to address unresolved family issues. Sally had hoped that working on her relationship with her father would, in turn, change her sexual orientation, but that was not the case. Despite this, Sally remains grateful for the progress they made, and she now cares for her 93-year-old father as his primary caretaker.

Sally's journey has been one of self-discovery, acceptance, and overcoming societal pressures. Through it all, she has relied on her faith to guide her and has learned the importance of being true to herself.

ℹ️ Introduction

On this episode of Lesbi-Honest, host Sarah St. John interviews guest Sally, who shares their journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and the challenges they faced in their Christian community. Sally discusses the importance of reading books for wisdom and promotes the website centerpeace.net. They delve into the difficulties of coming out as affirming to their church, family, and friends, highlighting the subconscious challenges individuals may face. Sally expresses frustration with those who refuse to do the necessary research on the subject, praying for fellowship and understanding amongst each other. They reflect on the progress made in LGBTQ+ resources over the years, emphasizing the importance of not getting discouraged by naysayers.

Sally, coming from the tradition of autonomous churches of Christ, discusses the struggle some churches have with accepting someone as both gay and Christian. They explore the transition from "side B" to "side A", embracing relationships and potentially marriage with the same sex, and seek to understand the process of transitioning. Sally shares their lifelong process of interpreting Scripture and the journey that led them to become affirming of same-sex relationships based on their interpretation. They recommend books, including their own memoir, "Affirming: A Memoir of Faith, Sexuality, and Staying in the Church," and a book by Karen (presumably their wife) called "Scripture Ethics and the Possibility of Same-Sex Relationships," for those seeking a deeper exploration of Scripture.

Sarah discovers Sally through their books and attends events hosted by their organization, Centerpeace, which nurtures a supportive community. Sally sheds light on their personal story, acknowledging the fear and frustration they once felt regarding God's love and acceptance. They stress the importance of understanding that sexual orientation is not a choice and dismantling stereotypes about LGBTQ individuals. Sally encourages listeners to read books on the topic and have open discussions about them, especially with trusted pastors. They highlight the experience of LGBTQ individuals from devout Christian backgrounds who desire acceptance without compromising their faith. Through their conversation, Sarah and Sally delve into various aspects of Sally's journey and provide insight into the intersection of faith and sexuality.

🧞‍♂️ Discussion questions

1. How do you think the Sarah's family will react when they reveal their true selves?

2. Do you agree with the Sally's belief in the power of reading and wisdom? Why or why not?

3. Have you encountered challenges when trying to come out as affirming to your church, family, or friends? How did you handle those challenges?

4. Why do you think some individuals are resistant to doing the necessary research on LGBTQ+ issues? How can we encourage them to become more informed?

5. Do you think progress is being made towards creating a more inclusive environment for LGBTQ+ individuals in religious communities? Why or why not?

6. Have you ever attended a conference or retreat specifically designed for LGBTQ+ Christians? What was your experience like?

7. Are you familiar with the "side A" and "side B" terminology? How do you feel about it?

8. How important do you think it is for LGBTQ+ individuals to find a spiritual community that accepts and nurtures their faith?

9. Have you ever had to reconcile your interpretation of Scripture with your personal beliefs? How did you go about that process?

10. What can we do as individuals and as a society to create a more accepting and inclusive space for LGBTQ+ individuals within our religious communities?