From Initially Identifying as Bisexual to Realizing You're Actually a Lesbian (with Shohreh Davoodi)
Bio
As an unapologetically queer writer and creator, Shohreh Davoodi is especially skilled at making thoughtful connections, explaining difficult concepts clearly and concisely, and handling tough topics with warmth and humor. Driven by a passion for equal rights and representation for LGBTQIA+ folks and people of color, her work supports and celebrates the queer and BIPOC communities of which she's a proud member. She's currently working on her first novel.
ℹ️ Introduction
Welcome back to another episode of Lesbi-Honest, the podcast where we explore the journeys, experiences, and triumphs of individuals who have embraced their true selves. I'm your host, Sarah, and today we have a very special guest joining us, Shohreh. In this episode, Shohreh shares their personal story of discovering their sexuality later in life and the journey they embarked on to fully embrace their identity as a lesbian. We delve into the complexities of understanding their attraction to women, their struggles with acceptance, and the empowering role of a supportive queer therapist. Shohreh also opens up about facing criticism and ridicule online, their brave act of putting up a pride flag in a conservative neighborhood, and their decision to move to a more LGBTQ-friendly city. This episode is filled with inspiration, honesty, and a reminder that it's never too late to live authentically. So sit back, relax, and let's dive into Shohreh's incredible journey on this episode of Lesbi-Honest.
❇️ Key topics and bullets
- Late-in-life lesbians going through a process of understanding their sexuality
- The Shohreh's gradual transition in understanding her attraction to women
- Identifying as bisexual before fully embracing the identity of a lesbian
- Struggles with accepting her sexuality and questioning past experiences
- Supportive queer therapist helping navigate feelings and guilt
- Criticism and ridicule online for their experience from men
- Process of accepting attraction to women
- Acknowledging body's signals and realizing unhappiness in marriage due to queerness
- Response video to HOA situation
- Counter flag response to conservative flag in living room
- Buying a progress flag with "you are loved" slogan
- Putting up the flag to support and provide representation for queer individuals in the neighborhood
- Recognizing attractiveness in men, but not personally attracted to them
- Interest in dating women if circumstances were different
- Learning about bisexuality through close friendships with bisexual individuals
- Initial identification as bisexual before realizing being a lesbian
- Biphobia and the pressure to choose a side
- Discovery process during the pandemic leading to divorce from ex-husband
- Happiness in current lesbian relationship
- Lack of children, but co-parenting two dogs with ex-partner
- Initial plans to open relationship disrupted by the pandemic
- Realization of being meant to be with a woman
- Guilt and unfulfillment in closeted lesbian marriage
- Asking for a divorce due to deep friendship rather than a romantic partnership
- Painful process of divorce after being together since early twenties
- Catalyst of "Untamed" by Glenn Doyle for questioning sexuality
- Friends and ex-husband suggesting Shohreh might be gay
- Initial identification as queer before realizing she is a lesbian
- Confirmation of lesbian identity through dating current partner
- Desire to live in Colorado and concerns about LGBTQ+ rights in Texas
- Safety concerns for partner presenting as masculine in Texas
- Presence of speaker's sister and family members in Colorado
- Extreme heat in Texas and desire for a different climate
- Understanding there is no 100% safe place for queer people
- Moving to a conservative suburb of Denver
- Discrimination faced from neighbors and HOA
- Discovering Colorado statute protecting right to display flags and signs on their property
- Informing HOA about the law and ordering a new flag
- Publicly out as a queer creator
- Supportive online community and mixed reactions from parents
- Strained relationship with parents post-divorce, but eventually improving
- Supportive network of friends prioritizing speaker's happiness and authenticity
- Feeling more free and authentic after embracing true identity
- Denver described as a gay-friendly city with strong LGBTQ+ presence
- Desire to move to the west side of Denver for proximity to mountains and more liberal cities
- Tip to pull up election maps to understand neighborhood voting demographics.
📚 Timestamped overview
00:02:00 Recognized attraction to men, later discovered lesbianism.
00:04:31 Divorce leads to self-discovery and new relationships.
00:09:40 Publicly out as queer, struggled with parents. Supportive friends, newfound freedom.
00:12:46 Late-life lesbianism is a gradual, confusing journey.
00:17:48 Discovery, self-reflection, divorce, and embracing lesbian identity.
00:22:49 Quickly switched to Hinge, found better matches.
00:25:46 Moving to Colorado for various reasons including dreams, family, safety, and better laws.
00:29:22 Living in a conservative area challenges LGBTQ+ couple.
00:36:26 Denver is gay-friendly with a specific geography.
00:40:40 Many people discover their lesbian identity later.
00:42:01 Shame, guilt, fault - society, childhood awareness.
🧞♂️ Discussion questions
1. How common do you think it is for individuals to go through a process of understanding their sexuality later in life, particularly in the context of being a late bloomer lesbian?
2. What role do you think societal factors play in delaying someone's understanding of their own sexuality?
3. Have you ever struggled with accepting your own sexuality? How did you navigate that journey?
4. Shohreh mentioned facing criticism and ridicule from men online for her experience. How do you think online spaces can both support and hinder individuals in their exploration and acceptance of their sexuality?
5. How do you think Shohreh's experience of gradually understanding her attraction to women, first as bisexual and then as a lesbian, relates to the broader concept of sexual fluidity?
6. Shohreh mentioned that reading the book "Untamed" by Glenn Doyle during the pandemic was a catalyst for them to start questioning her sexuality. Have you ever had a book or other form of media be a catalyst for self-discovery in your own life?
7. What do you think are some of the unique challenges that individuals who are in long-term relationships or marriages face when they come to realize they are not attracted to their partner's gender?
8. Shohreh and her partner decided to move to Colorado for various reasons, including political climate and LGBTQ+ rights. How important do you think location and laws are in determining where LGBTQ+ individuals feel safe and accepted?
9. Shohreh talked about her experience with discrimination from the HOA in her conservative suburb. How do you think organizations or communities can work towards creating a more inclusive and accepting environment for LGBTQ+ individuals?
10. Shohreh's journey to self-acceptance involved questioning and exploring her identity. How do you think we can create spaces and resources that support individuals in their process of self-discovery and understanding their own sexuality?
Resources
Untamed by Glennon Doyle (affiliate link)
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